Day 20

Day 20 without television.

I am dog sitting at my favorite client's house. In addition to having an insane amount of incredible memorabilia and fan art- it also has two large televisions, and since arriving I have had no desire to turn either one one.

In the living room, easily 80"+

In the bedroom, much smaller than the living room, easily 60"+. 

I reinstalled Twitter onto my phone because I have to confess that the sudden silence of no-social-media-cold-turkey was deafening. I felt disconnected from the world. And trying to read the New York Times everyday was not something I was exactly interested in because--let's face it--they're a bunch of pussies and I missed my alternative news outlets. 

I must admit to degree of laziness when it comes to going to multiple news sites to get the information I am accustomed to having buzzed in to me.  However, reinstalling Twitter reminded me that I fucking hate how I had Twitter set up, which was to constantly notify me. You'd think I had a Good Vibrations store in my pocket it went off so much. The solution to this self-created nuisance was that as notifications came in I turned them off until only three accounts remained: my kid (yes, I have a spawn- no, I'm not raising them, maybe, I'l blog about it), Occupy Oakland and Democracy Now (because, ya know- priorities). 

Shortly after this reintroduction of Twitter one of my favorite comedians, Hari Kondabolu, tweeted that if they didn't do comedy they would quit social media; comparing it to a slow poison. The statement resonated with me on multiple levels. Namely, it reminded me of this image:

This was an image I saw frequently growing up, as it was a poster that resided in the youth meeting rooms of my faith (yes, I'm a recovering Mormon). And it is a very powerful, very clever image that illustrates the toxicity and the ease with which toxicity spreads as well as the willingness with which folks are ready to receive such toxicity. For me, this toxicity is social media, the space of violence it can produce, my addiction to conflict and emotional abuse, not being grounded, living inauthentically and being so flighty. I haven't detoxed from social media. I will admit that keeping Twitter is kind of a social-medial-methadone for me. But, Hari's comment got me thinking:  my life is so small, I have nothing to promote. I have like...76 Twitter followers.  I wonder if I could suspend participation that was unkind. I mean...I really ought to.  Just because I'm not posting long rants on Facebook or inviting trolls to dinner on my Instagram DMs doesn't mean I'm not passing on the toxicity. Shit is shit is shit, even if its of a different color. And if breaking my addiction to conflict is the goal then...I should cultivate kindness across the board not just where it is convenient for me.  

...could I actually 100% quit Twitter? Or at least give up mean Tweeting? Like Amanda Palmer who tweeted today that she tries to not tweet "not nice things" and then called President Trump "a jerk" which is....not that bad (in my book). 

With literal clicks of buttons, and not any real engagement we spread a lot of viciousness and toxicity.  With the same number of clicks and feigned engagement or fleeting sense of well-being we spread joy and happiness, but this online life does not always translate into our offline life. And I am going to aim to be off social media for the next six months and focus on my offline life (which may may these blogs a little long at times- as they probably won't be posted with any regularity). I also recently heard Jay Smooth mention how folks spend so much time collecting moments to share online that they fail to be present offline. And I fucking love Jay Smooth...and Hari Kondabolu....and Amanda Fucking Palmer...and their words come at me at the right time. 

Speaking of my offline life, here are some things that have happened in my offline world:

1. Read two books: Hunger: A Memoir of (my)Body by Roxane Gay and College (Un)bound: The Future of Higher Education and What It Means for Students by Jeffrey Sailing. 
2. Emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend has resurfaced, claiming he wants to re-connect because I am one of the nicest parts he's ever had about living in the Bay Area (fucking duh- I'm awesome). All overtures thus far point to this being code for "I'd like to have a sexual relationship with you until I'm deported back to or I willingly leave the U.S. to go back to El Salvador (which ever comes first). whaddya say?" I say, "That's gonna be a nah from me brah. Nothing about any of that is appealing." 
3. Went to the W. Kamu Bell's Playlist with the Oakland Symphony at the breathtaking Paramount Theater (one of my fav venues). 

3. Went to the Women's March and of course I kicked it with the Sister's of Perpetual Indulgence as we marched, chanted and then saw some wonderful signs.