Mona Haydar - Hijabi (Wrap my Hijab)

Did you hear? Mona Haydar's Hijabi (Wrap My Hijab) was named one of Billboard's Top 20 Protest songs of 2017.

No?

Maybe you heard about it when it was named one of Billboard's Top 25 Feminist Anthems?

No? ...they said this about it: 

"Much of the lyrics to the first verse are made of micro-aggressions, constant loaded questions asked of Syrian-American Mona Haydar in real life: “What that hair look like/ Bet that hair look nice/ Don’t that make you sweat/ Don’t that feel too tight?” Haydar claps back quick, singing, “Not your exotic vacation/ I’m bored with your fascination/ I need that PayPal, PayPal, Paypal/ If you want education,” noting that she isn’t responsible to teach you about her culture."

It's a boss track. And her other track, "DOG" is HELLA boss. I like to listen to both of these tracks for different reasons, but the tone of resistance makes me feel empowered after I listen to them.

She's brilliant, fierce, unapologetic and powerful and sure of who she is. Even in her humanity and vulnerability she is not fragile, and she is without pretention. I love her stories and the images she shares with her analysis is a beautiful blend of being simultaneously thoughtful and critical.

And yesterday, on her Instagram she posted this mantra:

You want them to show up for you, but do you show up for you? 

Gift yourself your presence. Show up for you, the rest will follow. 

#MonaMantra/-Mona Haydar

I've only been a fan of Mona for a few months now. But I wanted to share Mona's music, words and wisdom with you as we close out the year, especially with the powerful challenge that she offers us;
the challenge of love and hope that we can gift to ourselves through showing up and being present for ourselves. 

How often have we been disappointed by someone not showing up for us when they said they would? I've seen several times in the past year the meme "Be the person you needed when you were younger." and for me, that means confronting and leaning into the pain of what I didn't have in order to understand what it is that I need. 

However, the habit to look outside of myself is an almost automatic default, to the point where I don't realize I'm doing it until I'm up against disappointment. 

Mona's Mantra is a loving directive that offers a focal point of my self. On my heart and my work. 

I invite you to take the time to explore her work and that her creative resistance brings you joy and that you will find ways to support her work and share her message.

Period of Dreams

As 2017 draws to a close, I have been called on by m.O.G. to capitalize on the momentum of the moment that we as a society find ourselves in.

You know what I'm talking about, that hum that can only be found between the Christmas holiday and the New Year. Those moments that, even if you do not celebrate Christmas, possesses an energy that has everyone buzzing with excitement of newly acquired material objects and the anticipation of whats to come as we turn our gaze to the horizon where we look to the coming year with the hashtag "New Year, New Me!" on the precipice of every social media outlet, and the question of "Got any New Years resolutions?" on the lips of every friend and family member we meet.

Perhaps it is guilt from the obscene amount of intake, or perhaps it is the cultural expectation, there is no way of knowing. But we find ourselves pregnant with possibilities of who could become in the next year, and we glow with expectation and excitement. No matter the reason for this jubilation, laundry lists of resolutions begin to percolate in people's consciousness.

Being an empath, I historically have asked myself the question of New Year's resolutions aimed at revising habits on my birthday (in April), so as not to be too caught up in the energetic sea of almost hysterical and unrealistic expectations that can easily sweep one away as New Year's approaches.

That desire to "do it all!" that, while well intentioned, looks like this:
"I'm going to get up at four a.m. and run five miles a day! Whooo!"
When the current reality is that I can't even get out of bed before six-thirty on a good day and I could maybe run four city blocks before collapsing, and that would only be if I was being chased by a ravenous jaguar. (of course, why a ravenous jaguar would be running after me, I can only guess- but my hypothetical doesn't have to make 100% sense). I, like so many, unintentionally set myself up for failure and in that aim, I succeed.

"Experts" on goal setting (and I don't mean the kind who set the posts for the NFL- they're not experts, they just are good with a measuring tape), suggest that when setting goals that you engage in a very specific set of steps to insure success.

Step One is taking stock in your life, and set your big goal. 

Step Two is then setting small, specific and realistic goals designed to support the big goal.

Step Three is then revisiting and adjusting your goals often, ideally to make them more challenging as you gain traction toward achieving the big goal.

So, starting with the advice of the so-called experts, and honoring the commitment I made to my Accountability Crew (hereafter called the AC Slaters... j/k... we'll just call them The Crew) let's start with the context of my life/why am I breaking up with TV.

1. Step One: Take Stock, Set Your Goal- Dear T.V., It's Not You, It's Me.  I love procrastinating. I loathe adulting (or executive functioning as some therapists will call it). Let me rephrase...I love procrastinating on things that I don't much care for. And T.V., you have been a wonderful distraction from any responsibility that I do not care to address. I have lost many a hour to the "just one more episode" lie that I knowingly tell myself. I get trapped in a cycle of self-loathing and frustration as I sift through the same old garbage trying to find something new and exciting to assuage whatever discomfort I am trying to get away from, or chore I wish to not do until I fall asleep and awake at an uncomfortable hour with the Roku screensaver bouncing back and forth across your visage. Then I do the 10 ft crawl of shame from the couch to my bed...and...I can't help but think that I could be making a better use of my time. I cannot rely on you as a crutch anymore. So...peace out. 
2. Step Two: Small Specific Goals- "What does it mean to break up with T.V.? (for me)" "Experts" say that you should make a list of small and specific goals of how to accomplish  your big goal and the meaning behind these smaller goals....so....for this goal, what specifically does the break up look like?: 


1. Pack up my T.V. & Roku box and store it in the garage where it is difficult to get to 
2. Delete the Netflix app on my phone
3. Cancel my Netflix and Hulu memberships
4. No streaming on Amazon (Keep Amazon Prime for book deliveries though)
5. Movie/show days days at work (yes we have those from time to time): participation is an exception
6. Purchase one of those containers with a digital timer lock on it for #7
7. When dog sitting at clients homes (my side gig) The temptation is real. So...this can be a chance to do some research for generating content for the Steering Change Brand, I will have to choose wisely and be honest. For each weekday that you are NOT IN SCHOOL and you spend at the house you get a 30 minute credit. For each weekend day, you get a one hour credit. The credits can only be used for: NEW COMEDY SPECIALS FROM COMEDIANS YOU LIKE- none of their TV shows (Sorry Aziz, Issa, Lena...etc. etc.) OR a documentary. But I have to continue the discipline of your regular routine. If I fall out of routine, I do not get credit for that day. To help keep me accountable, I will lock up the remotes using the container that I purchased and have a designated day and time when I will have access to the remotes. Once the show is over/time is used, remotes go back in the container until the next "screen time." When you are enrolled in school: 

8. I'll have to be vocal about restructuring my time with my friends to not include TV time.  
9. Movies at the movie theater or outdoor movie in the park events/screenings are allowed. However, this impacts my budget so I will have to plan accordingly.
10. YouTube viewing is only allowed if someone sends you a link. Viewing is limited to 15 minutes or longer for TED talks.
11. Required viewing of any kind for school is exempt from the above restrictions. however, it is preferred that I watch the content on my laptop, in the library since I won't have a TV anymore (it's in the garage, remember? MwahahahahaaHA) 😂

What am I hoping to gain from this break up? "Experts" ask you to reiterate the outcome for your super specific goals. Okay, the outcome is: Reclaiming my time. Thanks Auntie Maxie. 💕

But then "experts" say you gotta get specific about that too *eye roll.* Geesh. With all this specificity you'd think they'd want to make it actually work and have you actually succeed because you couldn't renegotiate through vague-a-tivity...(is that even a word?)...because no one's ever done that (side eye).  😉

So...one more time for the people in the back, my goal is:

RECLAIMING MY TIME. 

But what does that mean? 

If I'm really honest, I loose about 20 hours a week of productivity to television. 

20 hours A WEEK! 😲 

But it isn't as if turning off the TV and packing it away along with my Roku box will somehow make me a productive human being- turning off one switch doesn't flip on another one, that's not how it works. 

Productivity is a practice. 

And I am very much out of a good practice. And I am well versed in the practice of procrastination and distraction from emotional discomfort, and television has been a companion in this practice.

1. So, reclaiming my time in the material sense (what practices do I wish to rekindle) means: 
1. Reading more books
2. Writing more: about the books I read, shows I see, emotional things I experience, etc. 
3. Engaging in more intentional physical activity. Currently I walk about five miles a day...but this is just part of my commute and breaking up my work-day. But...I wish to build up my body to be strong again. This means:
1. Finding a fitness dance community, and actually doing more dance which is something that I am terrified to do. Connecting with my body in full view of other people...sober and in a structured environment!? 😬
2. Taking up cardio kickboxing again...maybe only twice a week, but it is a good physical outlet to get out the close and familiar emotion of rage that I have.
4. Creating more. This means drawing, cross-stitching, painting, coloring. Crafty-artsy stuff to gift to folks.
5. Developing content for the Steering Change brand, producing content on a bi-weekly basis. 
1. Content can be: 
1. Blog
2. Vlog
3. Lesson plan
6. Deepening and developing better relationships with human beings who are not toxic. And being okay with setting boundaries with those who are toxic if I am required to have them in my life (such as work relationships) and eliminating those who are toxic if I do not need to have them in my life. 
7. Learning Spanish using the Duolingo App & checking out books from the library. I can give 20 minutes a day to Spanish. 
2. Reclaiming my time on the personal/emotional sense means:
1. Keeping a personal emotional journal to process feelings
2. Abstain from marijuana consumption (TV and Mary Jane are super close friends)
3. Recommit to a vegan diet
4. When painful or uncomfortable feeling arises, do not run from them but rather sit with them and have a conversation with my discomfort and pain. Feel through them. Understand that they may return but work to heal the wounds that you carry
5. Allow myself to be vulnerable to others in my pain and ask for help
6. Do not use service to others as a distraction
7. Organize around my rage- (Transgender Day of Visibility Event, giving Thanks for 500 Days of Resistance Conference/Festival, DREAMERS in Business Speakers Event) 
8. Actively heal from habits and patterns of insecurity through daily affirmations & positive self talk
9. Remain inentionally unpartnered as I do more active healing from the abusive relationship I have with myself. 🙊

Whoa- seems like a tall order...but don't worry. The personal stuff is stuff I have been casually working on for at least a year but have managed to opt out of when things are unpleasant and fall into distraction, and I will say that TV has been the largest distraction that I've noticed in the past year. But I will occasionally talk about feelings, I am a deeply emotional person. I am a woman with bipolar disorder, ADHD, anxiety and PTSD. I try to use humor to deflect when I am feeling uncomfortable-and sometimes I'm hilarious...sometimes I just make other people uncomfortable. 

This blog will run the gamut of content, and if you find things that are useful that is great- I invite you to take them with you and if you don't and you have things you wish to share that you feel will advance the conversation, I welcome your feedback. 

Thank you for reading and I wish you the best of the remainder of the year and welcome you in the 2018- NEW YEAR, NEW YOU!