She Looked Me In The Eyes- Music by A Tribe Called Red

This song and Lido Pimienta (the powerful visual artist featured in this video) came to me at the end of a dream I had this morning, where I was in between aisles of imprisoned fish.



Inga Musico once about how when she gave up television vivid dreams began to return to her. And when she travelled and televisions were in her hotel rooms, if she did not cover them they would steal her dreams. In other words she would not remember her dreams when screens were present.



It might sound a little crazy, but for months I rarely had a dream that I remembered. I wold awake with songs in my head, but no visuals. And certainly no story to tell with the visuals. For a long time I thought it was because of the medication I take to manage my bipolar disorder, but when I awoke this morning I thought of Inga's words and I have not read that book in easily 15 years.



The few dreams I have had that have been ones that have ripped me from sleep in terror.



I have always loved dreaming. Preferring it at times in my life to being awake- as the weightlessness of dreams and limitlessness of capabilities have offered reprieve from this world. And I am a chronic daydreamer, often times preferring to be in conversation in my head with people that I long to have close to me as we walk through places that I hold with great affection. As a child I would often drift away from where I was, usually to the disappointment of the adults who were trying to capture my attention.



I hope to be able to have more dreams and record them privately, sharing only the songs with you as they come to me.



And just an FYI, Roxane Gay's book makes me want to stay up all night on the couch with her reading. I haven't felt that way about a book in a while.

Mona Haydar - Hijabi (Wrap my Hijab)

Did you hear? Mona Haydar's Hijabi (Wrap My Hijab) was named one of Billboard's Top 20 Protest songs of 2017.

No?

Maybe you heard about it when it was named one of Billboard's Top 25 Feminist Anthems?

No? ...they said this about it: 

"Much of the lyrics to the first verse are made of micro-aggressions, constant loaded questions asked of Syrian-American Mona Haydar in real life: “What that hair look like/ Bet that hair look nice/ Don’t that make you sweat/ Don’t that feel too tight?” Haydar claps back quick, singing, “Not your exotic vacation/ I’m bored with your fascination/ I need that PayPal, PayPal, Paypal/ If you want education,” noting that she isn’t responsible to teach you about her culture."

It's a boss track. And her other track, "DOG" is HELLA boss. I like to listen to both of these tracks for different reasons, but the tone of resistance makes me feel empowered after I listen to them.

She's brilliant, fierce, unapologetic and powerful and sure of who she is. Even in her humanity and vulnerability she is not fragile, and she is without pretention. I love her stories and the images she shares with her analysis is a beautiful blend of being simultaneously thoughtful and critical.

And yesterday, on her Instagram she posted this mantra:

You want them to show up for you, but do you show up for you? 

Gift yourself your presence. Show up for you, the rest will follow. 

#MonaMantra/-Mona Haydar

I've only been a fan of Mona for a few months now. But I wanted to share Mona's music, words and wisdom with you as we close out the year, especially with the powerful challenge that she offers us;
the challenge of love and hope that we can gift to ourselves through showing up and being present for ourselves. 

How often have we been disappointed by someone not showing up for us when they said they would? I've seen several times in the past year the meme "Be the person you needed when you were younger." and for me, that means confronting and leaning into the pain of what I didn't have in order to understand what it is that I need. 

However, the habit to look outside of myself is an almost automatic default, to the point where I don't realize I'm doing it until I'm up against disappointment. 

Mona's Mantra is a loving directive that offers a focal point of my self. On my heart and my work. 

I invite you to take the time to explore her work and that her creative resistance brings you joy and that you will find ways to support her work and share her message.